hello milliways

[callmeleo]

Another day, another mysterious bar appearing out of nowhere. Leo is acquainted with Milliways and its lurking habits. He doesn't even bother calling Zanna; it'd take her too long to come over, and they get doors fairly regularly, so he just goes in and gets some absinthe with crushed cochineal. (Demonic tastes make for very odd mixed drinks.)

Comments

[liakoura]

"Incomprehensible Except For Stunning Good Looks."

[callmeleo]

"Bar, could I get fifty business cards reading 'Leonato Sangrelobo Umbrosa VII, Freelance Witch, Incomprehensible Except for Stunning Good Looks' arranged in a heavy gothic font? In red and black, please."

[liakoura]

Here they are. In a cute little box.

"Is that your real name?"

[callmeleo]

"That is my real name. If you are wondering if it is as ridiculous as it sounds, yes, it is. My mother has a particular aesthetic."

[liakoura]

"Huh. My name got slightly more pretentious when Kiri woke up all primey one morning and we started using Ardelay as a last name in her honor but it's still pretty basic."

[callmeleo]

"You think two last names is pretentious? Pfah. Entry-level. If I listed all my honorific surnames there'd be no room for the amusing quote."

[liakoura]

"I don't use both last names," says Aleko. "I don't know how surnames work where you're from but where I'm from you can basically use whatever surname you want as long as you are in fact descended from or married to somebody who uses it. We were using our dad's, but then Kiri was prime and everybody was calling her Ardelay, so we started using Ardelay too."

[callmeleo]

"Interesting. Mom does a similar thing except she lumped them all into one hyphenated mess and lobbed them at her poor unsuspecting children."

[liakoura]

"I guess that saves you the difficulty of choosing between them?"

[callmeleo]

"Yes, because I tossed them all out and I just use Dad's. Mom doesn't mind, she thinks it's hilarious."

[liakoura]

"How'd you pick?"

[callmeleo]

"Because Dad's name makes sense and has more than one vowel in it. Mom's tend to be, like, K'lxxyzx. Which is an old and honorable demonic name, but tends to cause more confusion than it's worth when you're trying to get a driver's license."

[liakoura]

"Ah, makes sense."

[callmeleo]

"Oh dear. I'll have to change all my business cards."

[liakoura]

"Sorry."

[callmeleo]

"You're sure you don't want to make out? I understand the threat of sisterly embarrassment, having six myself, but we are very pretty. And you are adorable."

[liakoura]

"Do your sisters read minds? I'm also not gay, I would be motivated entirely by narcissism."

[callmeleo]

"I think Marigold could've managed, the rest are utter shit at witchcraft. The idea of Marigold seeing my sexscapades, while absolutely chilling, still wouldn't be enough to keep me from having them. But then, I did hate her, so it's not like it would've soured our relationship. Your lack of gay is inconvenient. I'm pretty sure there's a spell to temporarily gay someone, but I'm not familiar with it because I usually go in for the natural kind."

[liakoura]

"I mean, I'm not planning to die a virgin, I was just planning on waiting until I was slightly more motivated than 'we look exactly alike'. I think I am potentially open to being temporarily gayed but my Miniature Pocket Kiri is screaming her miniature pocket head off so possibly I shouldn't."

[callmeleo]

"Oh, is she one of those 'absolute sanctity of the mind' types? It's not like it's her brain. Plus, I was temporarily straightened for Zanna's and my prom night, and I can personally guarantee that there are no side effects apart from some confusion afterwards, i.e. 'wait, why did I like breasts so much?' And inexplicable erections for the next week or so, but... you're a teenager. So."

[liakoura]

"Hang on, lemme interrogate Mini Pocket Kiri." Pause. "Mini Pocket Kiri is very nervous about the entire business but does not actually think I shouldn't let you if I feel like letting you."

[callmeleo]

Leo lets a smirk spread across his face.

"Do you feel like letting me?"

[liakoura]

"Sure, why not."

[callmeleo]

Leo procures from Bar rose petals in several different colors, an unreasonable quantity of incense, and a largeish bottle advertising vanilla scent. And a copy of the book in which the gay-beam spell is found, the cover of which bears several fascinating woodcuts. He arranges rose petals and incense in precisely looping spirals around Aleko, then pricks his own finger and lets a drop of blood fall onto the end of an external spiral arm. Pink fire flashes across the diagram, leaving a fine line of ash and a cloud of strongly scented lavender smoke in its wake. Leo induces a miniature whirlwind to clean up the diagram and funnel the ash into his Ash Pocket, for when he needs ash. Then he turns back to Aleko.

"So. How do you feel?"

[liakoura]

"Narcissistic. Also I think I retroactively have a crush on the mail carrier."